TOP TEN Ways to Become a Trail Hazard  

Here’s a list of ideas on how you can make yourself a real pain in the @$& when visiting our Jeffco Open Space Parks.

1. Drive as far from home as you can to hike in a Jefferson County Open Space Park. The oil companies will welcome your gas money.

2. When you reach your destination at a Jeffco Open Space park, if the parking lot is full, park on any road shoulder, even outside the park, and preferably over the white line or less than 18 inches from main roadway. Your parking fine will help alleviate the County’s financial stress. 

3. Hike when the park is most crowded – between 8:00 AM and 6:00 PM. That way you can expose COVID-19 to (and be exposed by) the most people.

4. Don’t bother to wear a mask. When you wear a mask people won’t be able to see your smile or catch your bugs. Besides, if everyone else is wearing a mask you can’t catch anything, so you’re good to go. 

5. It’s OK to walk off trail. The parks don’t have enough trails. More informal social trails can accommodate more hikers and give maintenance crews something to do restoring damaged vegetation. The rattlesnakes are waiting for you. 

6. Hike in big groups. The bears will appreciate having options. 

7. Ignore the 6-foot social distance guideline. All those open areas will just be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation. That’s what you want, right? 

8. Go as fast as possible. The object of being outside on the trail is to pass as many people as possible, given your superior speed capabilities. But wait — this minimizes interaction times, so maybe it’s not such a good idea? 

9. Leave your dog poop bag next to the trail. The poop fairy will pick it up.

10. No need to observe park rules. The rangers and volunteers need to have a reason to be in the parks, and the fines you’ll have to pay will help the Open Space budget.

Enjoy your outing!